JUST HOW MUCH CRAP CAN ONE PERSON BUY IN SUPPORT OF THEIR TEAM(S)?
I have a problem, I've had it for over 40 years & though I know I need to stop, I can't. Some people surf the internet looking for porn, others look for someone to chat with, there are those who play video games online endlessly & then there are the problem shoppers. I'm in the last group, the internet shoppers. I go from site to site, page to page, looking for something new, something that jumps off the screen, something I absolutely, positively have to possess. I wish I could say this problem just manifested itself since Al Gore invented the internet, but I've been like this for decades.
I'm not a clothes horse (my wife will laugh herself silly at that one), don't wear jewelry, but I can't look away from a page full of Chiefs or Mizzou stuff. I've been buying it for too long. Caps, beer glasses, clocks, watches, ice buckets, bar stools, coasters, coffee mugs, throw pillows, pot holders, neons, banners, flags, trays, pool cues, light fixtures, mirrors, media guides, yearbooks, plates, etc. etc. freakin' etc. Oh we have it all & then some. My pool table is black with a gold felt & sits under a Mizzou pool light. Scads of autographed pictures, helmets signed by every Chiefs Hall of Famer except Buck Buchanan & that's just a small sample of all the crap I've collected over the years. Hooked on the Chiefs & Tigers? Our gold tiger-stripe cat is named Chief.
Try as I might to stay away, at least twice a week I surf the site that has the Holy Grail of football crap on it, eBay. Last night there were 440 pages of Chiefs stuff on eBay, nearly 25,000 items, 3,053 of them tickets. For the Mizzou shopper, there were 5,334 items on 105 pages. As I approach geezerdom, I don't have the surfing stamina I had as a younger man. After about 30 pages, I've had enough thank you. I looked at 20 pages of Chiefs & 12 pages of Mizzou last night & did so without buying anything, a moral victory for yours truly.
With over 25,000 items to look at, you know you're going to see a few things that will make you say "who in the hell would buy something like this?" Another thought was "does the seller sincerely expect someone to buy this crap?" Who needs a Chiefs' Santa hat? How about a Steve Bono medium size jersey? I wonder how many of the ladies would like a pink Larry Johnson jersey made specifically for females? Yes, the Larry Johnson who was run out of Kansas City for slapping, punching & throwing drinks at women. Probably not a hot item, certainly not as hot as a Chiefs bowling ball or a Junior Siavii autographed 8x10. Need a 10K gold toe ring for $140? Of course no bathroom is complete without an airbrushed Chiefs' toilet seat, all yours for $89.95, how can you resist such a deal? Would a Chiefs' soup tureen make your clam chowder that much better?
Probably not, but you know damn well a Chiefs' toothbrush would make you brush your teeth more often wouldn't it? I know it won't scrape your tongue or stimulate your gums, but it does say Kansas City Chiefs on it, so it has to be better doesn't it? I know I could buy 3 excellent toothbrushes at WalMart for the price of one Kansas City Chiefs toothbrush, but it's sooooo cool you know.
I am in need of a new desk chair, I've plopped my big ass down in this one for over 10 years & it's seen it's better days. So why not a Chiefs or Mizzou desk chair? Why not indeed. I have no idea if it will support my ailing back properly, who knows how comfortable the seat itself is & I have no way to gauge the overall quality of the chair. But what I do know is I can have either a Chiefs or Mizzou desk chair, all other considerations would have been secondary. Sadly, my accountant(Linda) will veto any chair purchase that doesn't guarantee excellent lumbar support, so this beauty is out & so is the Mizzou model.
By now you're probably mocking me, making fun of my illness. It's every bit as tough to quit as smoking or drugs or polishing off a beef sandwich with fries at Bryant's Barbeque. But as a public service, I will move on to the darker side of Chiefs' shopping, just to prove I do have some restraint, I can say no. I swear I will never buy a Chiefs' bellybutton ring(3 diff. styles) or tongue stud. Yes, now you too can have a Chiefs logo tongue stud. Wait there's more, ladies won't your man look just a little hotter in a Chiefs or Mizzou thong or banana hammock? Thankfully, there wasn't a model with that listing. But there was one for the ladies, I know, go figure. This is right off of eBay, as are the rest of these pictures. Yes, this stunning outfit is yours for only $39.95, that doesn't include the stripper shoes or the breast enhancement.
Gentlemen, if you need a bunch of strategically placed Chiefs' logos to make you hot for your lady, please seek professional help. This one kind of scared me, I began to wonder just how far this obsession can go. Maybe an Arrowhead themed room at your local "pay by the hour" motel. Viagra tablets in MU black & gold & can an "NFL Approved" line of sex toys in team colors be very far down the road? Licensing anything & everything is what the NFL does, they want their royalty money & they want lots of it. Just like most American retailers, the majority of stuff sold on NFL.com is manufactured overseas. Make it cheap & maximize that profit margin.
Tho I resisted buying anything, I did flag a few items for future consideration, already two of them have been shot down. She didn't care much for the Mizzou drawer pulls for a cabinet in the media room & the Chiefs ceiling fan w/light kit for over the game table drew laughter, which of course means no. But since she gave me a tentative yes for a Buddy Guy/B.B. King concert in late August, I can live without the drawer pulls or the fan..........for now.
I'm not a clothes horse (my wife will laugh herself silly at that one), don't wear jewelry, but I can't look away from a page full of Chiefs or Mizzou stuff. I've been buying it for too long. Caps, beer glasses, clocks, watches, ice buckets, bar stools, coasters, coffee mugs, throw pillows, pot holders, neons, banners, flags, trays, pool cues, light fixtures, mirrors, media guides, yearbooks, plates, etc. etc. freakin' etc. Oh we have it all & then some. My pool table is black with a gold felt & sits under a Mizzou pool light. Scads of autographed pictures, helmets signed by every Chiefs Hall of Famer except Buck Buchanan & that's just a small sample of all the crap I've collected over the years. Hooked on the Chiefs & Tigers? Our gold tiger-stripe cat is named Chief.
Try as I might to stay away, at least twice a week I surf the site that has the Holy Grail of football crap on it, eBay. Last night there were 440 pages of Chiefs stuff on eBay, nearly 25,000 items, 3,053 of them tickets. For the Mizzou shopper, there were 5,334 items on 105 pages. As I approach geezerdom, I don't have the surfing stamina I had as a younger man. After about 30 pages, I've had enough thank you. I looked at 20 pages of Chiefs & 12 pages of Mizzou last night & did so without buying anything, a moral victory for yours truly.
With over 25,000 items to look at, you know you're going to see a few things that will make you say "who in the hell would buy something like this?" Another thought was "does the seller sincerely expect someone to buy this crap?" Who needs a Chiefs' Santa hat? How about a Steve Bono medium size jersey? I wonder how many of the ladies would like a pink Larry Johnson jersey made specifically for females? Yes, the Larry Johnson who was run out of Kansas City for slapping, punching & throwing drinks at women. Probably not a hot item, certainly not as hot as a Chiefs bowling ball or a Junior Siavii autographed 8x10. Need a 10K gold toe ring for $140? Of course no bathroom is complete without an airbrushed Chiefs' toilet seat, all yours for $89.95, how can you resist such a deal? Would a Chiefs' soup tureen make your clam chowder that much better?
Probably not, but you know damn well a Chiefs' toothbrush would make you brush your teeth more often wouldn't it? I know it won't scrape your tongue or stimulate your gums, but it does say Kansas City Chiefs on it, so it has to be better doesn't it? I know I could buy 3 excellent toothbrushes at WalMart for the price of one Kansas City Chiefs toothbrush, but it's sooooo cool you know.
I am in need of a new desk chair, I've plopped my big ass down in this one for over 10 years & it's seen it's better days. So why not a Chiefs or Mizzou desk chair? Why not indeed. I have no idea if it will support my ailing back properly, who knows how comfortable the seat itself is & I have no way to gauge the overall quality of the chair. But what I do know is I can have either a Chiefs or Mizzou desk chair, all other considerations would have been secondary. Sadly, my accountant(Linda) will veto any chair purchase that doesn't guarantee excellent lumbar support, so this beauty is out & so is the Mizzou model.
By now you're probably mocking me, making fun of my illness. It's every bit as tough to quit as smoking or drugs or polishing off a beef sandwich with fries at Bryant's Barbeque. But as a public service, I will move on to the darker side of Chiefs' shopping, just to prove I do have some restraint, I can say no. I swear I will never buy a Chiefs' bellybutton ring(3 diff. styles) or tongue stud. Yes, now you too can have a Chiefs logo tongue stud. Wait there's more, ladies won't your man look just a little hotter in a Chiefs or Mizzou thong or banana hammock? Thankfully, there wasn't a model with that listing. But there was one for the ladies, I know, go figure. This is right off of eBay, as are the rest of these pictures. Yes, this stunning outfit is yours for only $39.95, that doesn't include the stripper shoes or the breast enhancement.
Gentlemen, if you need a bunch of strategically placed Chiefs' logos to make you hot for your lady, please seek professional help. This one kind of scared me, I began to wonder just how far this obsession can go. Maybe an Arrowhead themed room at your local "pay by the hour" motel. Viagra tablets in MU black & gold & can an "NFL Approved" line of sex toys in team colors be very far down the road? Licensing anything & everything is what the NFL does, they want their royalty money & they want lots of it. Just like most American retailers, the majority of stuff sold on NFL.com is manufactured overseas. Make it cheap & maximize that profit margin.
Tho I resisted buying anything, I did flag a few items for future consideration, already two of them have been shot down. She didn't care much for the Mizzou drawer pulls for a cabinet in the media room & the Chiefs ceiling fan w/light kit for over the game table drew laughter, which of course means no. But since she gave me a tentative yes for a Buddy Guy/B.B. King concert in late August, I can live without the drawer pulls or the fan..........for now.
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